Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Following, One Step at a Time

(I'm not really sure why I'm writing this on my blog. As I wrote this in my journal today, I thought of others who are hurting, yet following Christ at what sometimes seems too great of a cost. I do not write this for others to see our struggles, but for others who struggle to see that they are not alone. We serve a God who is mighty, trustworthy, and holy. He is good.)

Following Christ is not the easy road. It is painful at times. It DOES NOT and SHOULD NOT come without a cost. We are called to give sacrificially. I don't believe we understand "sacrifice" today. We think our tithe is a sacrifice. We think teaching a Sunday school class is a sacrifice. We think not hanging out with the cool people is a sacrifice. Those aren't always the gifts God asks of us. Sometimes it requires unnatural steps of faith. It requires walking the path that others see as foolish. It requires giving the part of yourself that you have taken the most pride in.
The one area I am good at. The one thing I can do is be there for my children and help protect them from emotional harm. Notice how often I say "I"? God calls me again-to trust in Him, and give them to Him. I don't want to. The first time He spoke so strongly to me on this was in Experiencing God. Jared was about 18 months old. I finally "gave" Jared to the Lord. Again in 2003 when I had a life threatening brain lesion that was bleeding in my brain stem. He told me He didn't need me to raise my children. He loved them. He wanted me to give them to Him. I heard Maci, at 10 years old, pray and ask, " God, please heal Mommy, but if you choose not to, thank you for giving me a mommy who taught me about Jesus." I was at peace and knew God loved my children more than I ever could and I trusted He would take care of them.

Today, I find myself asking God to take away their pain. To return to them the joy that we have had as a family. But even more than that, I'm asking Him to grow them in wisdom and in faith. To teach them to trust in all situations; even when life gets hard; when friends don't understand their pain; when their mom seems to have changed from the fun, layed back mom into the one who must be firm and distracted from them so often. I trust the Lord. I believe He will pour out His blessings on ALL of our family. I know I must wait on God's timing. Today, I pray Psalm 5:3, This morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; this morning I lay my requests before you and WAIT IN EXPECTATION.

Today, Lord, I give you my children. Forgive me for taking them back again and again. I give you Jared, Maci, Molly, and Sarah. I trust you. I ask for peace as I wait in expectation for the mighty works you will do in and through them.

Following God is a gift we give to Him. The gift He gave to us came at a great cost, why should ours be any less?